Date: 16 Apr 2016 01:19 (UTC)
kickingand: (pic#10146201)
From: [personal profile] kickingand
[ Dean isn't even remotely sure how he feels about addressing anything. Talking is still something of a threat, something that implies a certain level of reality he can no longer face on a daily basis. But he's willing to admit that he's out of his element here and it shows, blindingly so, in the way he doesn't know how to navigate things anymore without feeling as if he's going the throttle the majority of the world for looking at him the wrong way.

Not even remotely surprised that he woke Cas up, Dean distantly thinks that he would nearly pay for the ability to sleep without ingesting heinous quantities of liquor, but he waits a moment, remaining particularly silent until Cas is done with his yawn.
]

I woke you up.

[ Does he feel bad about that? Nnnooope. ]

Date: 16 Apr 2016 04:20 (UTC)
kickingand: (pic#10146163)
From: [personal profile] kickingand
[ If he wasn't doing this over the goddamn phone, he'd wait it out with sheer silence, stare down Cas until he either fell asleep again or sussed it out himself. But instead, Dean has to come up with something to say that'll be enough. ]

I'm not spending tonight at another damn bar.

[ One can only hope that's worthy of... something. Though it probably just means he's tired of getting kicked out of them. ]

Date: 16 Apr 2016 04:58 (UTC)
kickingand: (pic#10144587)
From: [personal profile] kickingand
[ Dean sets his jaw irritably as he watches Cas nearly fall asleep, but thankfully he doesn't, should really be guessing that Cas is just slowly trying to pick up his trail of breadcrumbs.

It's all Dean can do to say yes please then and there but he manages to refrain, still glancing off as he tries to think. It's not as if he's searching for a way to say no, but he's looking for a way to convince himself that this - beyond the booze and the fistfights - is a perfectly acceptable way to cope.
]

You gonna fall back asleep?

Date: 16 Apr 2016 05:39 (UTC)
kickingand: (pic#10144454)
From: [personal profile] kickingand
[ Yeah, alright- he supposes that's legitimate enough. Granted, if Cas passes out he's not entirely sure what he'll do but fingers crossed. And with that he's up and at 'em, taking the offering without a please and thank you because it's not even remotely necessary when Cas has already made himself clear. ]

I need anything special to get on board?

Date: 16 Apr 2016 12:26 (UTC)
kickingand: (Default)
From: [personal profile] kickingand
[ Dean had every intention to follow suit with his own plea this time - he might not always be the most agreeable and refuse the help offered but this time he knows better than to back down after asking. And not just becuase he woke Cas up from a nap, but because Dean has nothing else.

But seriously, beam himself. Dean's not sure how much more ridiculous this is going to get.
]

Give me a few minutes.

[ With that he disconnects to go figure this out. Which doesn't take too terribly long considering the people on board his own ship don't completely despise him yet. And Dean is just always so convincing..... Anyway, he eventually manages the whole thing and finds himself smoothly beamed onto the Red Fish, momentarily suspicious as he glances around, looking for Cas in an instant. ]

Date: 16 Apr 2016 21:35 (UTC)
kickingand: (pic#10146201)
From: [personal profile] kickingand
[ Dean is almost surprised that Cas managed to wrench himself out of bed for this, a process which isn't even remotely easy when there's little reason to do so. It's not as if there's a state of emergency here, or at least Dean wouldn't claim there to be, and yet here Cas is, all sleepy and bed headed, nearly making Dean roll his eyes. ]

Not a whole lot of other options.

[ That, and he has more incentive than he knows what to do with. But after another moment he makes his way on over, his gaze silently tracking along the walls. ]

Date: 16 Apr 2016 22:56 (UTC)
kickingand: (pic#10039948)
From: [personal profile] kickingand
I appreciate the vote of confidence.

[ And Dean is following without question to the contrary, easily letting Cas lead the way as he follows along behind him. Besides, it gives him a chance to look around, note differences, take in Cas' surroundings compared to his own. ]

Date: 17 Apr 2016 00:41 (UTC)
kickingand: (pic#10039999)
From: [personal profile] kickingand
[ Dean hasn't had enough time to get used to anything in particular, but maybe that's solely because he's done a damn fine job of resisting. Refusing to even remotely settle has been an expert way of trying to distance himself away from everything imaginable, as if he can remove himself from his own damn skin if he tries hard enough. Which hasn't truly worked as of yet, but a man can dream.

Except that's why he's here.

Waiting for Cas to get his water, Dean simply carries on along until he's watching him toss himself back into his bunk, standing sentinel to the side.
]

For today. See how I feel about it again tomorrow.

Date: 17 Apr 2016 02:57 (UTC)
kickingand: (pic#10144489)
From: [personal profile] kickingand
[ Dean's only aware of his own hovering when Cas points it out, all but rubbing his face in it. Not that he can complain about Cas' response to it, not truly, not when he's able to distantly recognize that he's altogether right.

And if there's one person in the world who could get away with remarking on it, it's Cas. Anyone else would be witnessing Dean's turned back right around now, but Cas has by far earned the right to poke at him, no matter the reason. He's the only one who has, and it's because of that he silently rolls his eyes before angling slightly to drop down onto the edge of the bed, scooting his way up further next to Cas.
]

Quit your bitching.

Date: 17 Apr 2016 04:38 (UTC)
kickingand: (pic#10144589)
From: [personal profile] kickingand
[ Dean supposes that the slow decline into serious conversation is only inevitable, and he's right in that it follows Cas setting his glass off to the side with a certain amount of finality. He brought this upon himself after all, practically asked for it, and now he has to up and figure out what to say in reply. Which doesn't take terribly long, even as Dean's gaze slips down towards the bed in front of him, measuring his words almost too carefully. ]

It's a mutual dislike.

[ But the thing is, Dean wouldn't be happy with anyone else. He'd throw a silent fit no matter who he was stuck with, no matter how kind and honest and good they were, it wouldn't mean a single thing. ]

Date: 17 Apr 2016 12:32 (UTC)
kickingand: (Default)
From: [personal profile] kickingand
[ Dean wants to say it. He can't do this, he doesn't know how, he fucked it all up, he knows. But it's as if the words are pressurized in his skull, can't figure out how to shake themselves to freedom when they're shoved too hard up against the edges. It's unendingly frustrating, his own silence a cavernous thing, and most of the time he despises it enough in the face of others that he simply walks away. But he's here, and he wants to speak, and so all he can do is stay. ]

I'm not staying there.

[ It's a start, even if it begs a hundred more questions. Still, Dean up and folds his arms over his chest defensively, preparing himself for whatever is about to come. ]

Date: 17 Apr 2016 19:28 (UTC)
kickingand: (pic#10039999)
From: [personal profile] kickingand
[ Dean knows that in a certain regard, this is entirely his fault. That he put them in this situation and now has to face the repercussions he never wanted to begin with. This was never supposed to be their end. It's a conversation they need to have, all the words they need to say stuck between them, and he'll get there. He keeps telling himself they will, he just doesn't know how to give it over all too easily.

In comparison, this is almost simple.

Although, Dean isn't so sure about that either, considering the number of seconds it takes for him to up and say the actual point of the matter, gaze rolling towards Cas for a second.
]

I'm planning on finding a place here.

[ Okay, sarcasm is as good of an introduction as any but Dean looks away quickly enough, jaw setting stiffly. And even though he knows exactly what he wants to say, he still goes for the sideways response. ]

You might've made nice with Sam but, Cas- that is not a road I ever wanted to go down again.
Edited Date: 17 Apr 2016 19:29 (UTC)

Date: 17 Apr 2016 21:49 (UTC)
kickingand: (pic#10144491)
From: [personal profile] kickingand
[ Dean knows Cas won't push, even if it happens to be the only thing he truly wants to do. Cas only argues when it's pertinent, never when it comes to coping methods. It's taken time to figure out what buttons they can push without going over the deep end for either of them and now it's simply a steady path they walk. Even if Dean still remains a hot button no matter the day.

Remaining still save for the way he leans back against Cas' shoulder, all Dean wants is to rant and rave about how he's the odd man out in the situation and there's only cruelty to be found in that, but he shuts his mouth for as long as he can stand.
]

Means I get stuck.

[ Without you.

Because in no way does Sam need Cas the way he does, that he knows. Except Dean has put himself in this corner, and he doesn't quite know how to force himself out of it.
]

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