[ The temptation to get up and go is like a solid punch to the gut. He's suddenly not so sure if he's capable of having this conversation, of coping with the fact that he doesn't know where the hell he's supposed to be. Because while he's fairly sure that his place is not the ship he's managed to find himself stuck on, he doesn't know if he can go it on this one either. Or, more accurately, if he could go it without trying to take Sam's head off on a daily basis.
Well aware that he's frustrating Cas doesn't exactly make him feel any better, watching him drag his hand down his face out of the corner of his eye as he remains stubbornly silent. It's all Dean can do to keep himself planted, giving the foot of the bunk the thousand yard stare.
There's no easy answer to this, and most of all, Dean knows better than to ask Cas to come with him. He found a little place here and it'd be unendingly unfair of him to drag him away. Besides, Cas deserves to be somewhere he is not for once, give him room to breathe and be away from the sole person who ruined everything. Why should Dean force him to be near when all he is, is a destructive force.
Except now, Dean has no idea what to say. What he's supposed to do to make it even remotely bearable when he's so far past that he can't real it on in. And so he chooses to remain silent, knowing that anything he could muster would get him into a by far worse situation, a consequence that he's downright terrified of when he's already past his threshold. ]
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Date: 17 Apr 2016 23:54 (UTC)Well aware that he's frustrating Cas doesn't exactly make him feel any better, watching him drag his hand down his face out of the corner of his eye as he remains stubbornly silent. It's all Dean can do to keep himself planted, giving the foot of the bunk the thousand yard stare.
There's no easy answer to this, and most of all, Dean knows better than to ask Cas to come with him. He found a little place here and it'd be unendingly unfair of him to drag him away. Besides, Cas deserves to be somewhere he is not for once, give him room to breathe and be away from the sole person who ruined everything. Why should Dean force him to be near when all he is, is a destructive force.
Except now, Dean has no idea what to say. What he's supposed to do to make it even remotely bearable when he's so far past that he can't real it on in. And so he chooses to remain silent, knowing that anything he could muster would get him into a by far worse situation, a consequence that he's downright terrified of when he's already past his threshold. ]