[ If Dean could magically come up with the right words, he would. In an instant. But everything feels as if it'll ruin the situation more than he's already screwed it, that he'll do somehow infinitely more wrong by Cas no matter what he tries to say. He just can't make it easy, and in a horrifying way, he almost misses home in that it's a thing he can recognize. This feels so far out of his hands that he doesn't know how to reach for it, and he's sorry. He is. He's sorry he got it all so wrong.
Despite all his efforts to keep himself somehow removed, Cas shoves it all away without words, wraps him up in a hug without question and pulls him close. Dean blinks a few times, not entirely surprised by it but trying to resist for a good few seconds before he finally sinks into it, nose shoved to Cas' shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut tight. At least there's nothing complicated to this, it doesn't have to be such a struggle to understand, to work his way through. Cas is warm and solid and still there, and he's sure that has to be enough.
But by god, it still hurts, and Dean buries his way in closer, clinging tight enough that he's sure he might break from it. ]
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Despite all his efforts to keep himself somehow removed, Cas shoves it all away without words, wraps him up in a hug without question and pulls him close. Dean blinks a few times, not entirely surprised by it but trying to resist for a good few seconds before he finally sinks into it, nose shoved to Cas' shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut tight. At least there's nothing complicated to this, it doesn't have to be such a struggle to understand, to work his way through. Cas is warm and solid and still there, and he's sure that has to be enough.
But by god, it still hurts, and Dean buries his way in closer, clinging tight enough that he's sure he might break from it. ]
I can't just come visit.