[ Dean keeps thinking that what he wants should be obvious, should somehow not be a thing that he has to say out loud. But Cas can't read his mind and for that, Dean doesn't fault him, never would. And even if he could, it's still his duty to make his words known, even if they struggle to exist in the first place. It's his responsibility to be forthright before anyone else, and that can't be a fact that changes just because he feels hopelessly lost.
Except for when he's with Cas.
It's a fact he can't turn on its head, a thing that's been true for years. So why fight so hard from a distance? Dean tries to speak for a moment but finds himself clamping his jaw shut again when Cas knocks their forehead together, just trying to find his own breath when he cracks under the weight of Cas' insufferably encouraging smile. As much as he wants to look away, disconnect, he is right here, with it, right where he wants to be. ]
Yeah, well-
[ There's no retorts left, stupid or otherwise, even as Dean tries to grab for words other than I missed you too, fingers curling tighter into the back of Cas' shirt. He's sure that Cas might disintegrate under his touch for all he's gotten wrong, and all he wants at the end of the day is to keep an eye on him. To make sure he's still there. Always there. ]
no subject
Except for when he's with Cas.
It's a fact he can't turn on its head, a thing that's been true for years. So why fight so hard from a distance? Dean tries to speak for a moment but finds himself clamping his jaw shut again when Cas knocks their forehead together, just trying to find his own breath when he cracks under the weight of Cas' insufferably encouraging smile. As much as he wants to look away, disconnect, he is right here, with it, right where he wants to be. ]
Yeah, well-
[ There's no retorts left, stupid or otherwise, even as Dean tries to grab for words other than I missed you too, fingers curling tighter into the back of Cas' shirt. He's sure that Cas might disintegrate under his touch for all he's gotten wrong, and all he wants at the end of the day is to keep an eye on him. To make sure he's still there. Always there. ]
I want to be here.