[ Face slowly dropping into his hands, trying to think, Dean is too crushed to know how to speak for long seconds, as much of a reveal as anything. Because not saying the words is just as wrong as spilling them free, words buzzing frantically in his mind, a furious escapade of all the moments he ruined through endless desires to put all the pain to rest. ]
I fucked it up. [ It's spoken gruffly, the rough notes of a voice torn in two, and Dean can feel himself cracking. Eyes starting to burn behind the heels of his palms, his gives his head a dismal shake, so apologetic he can't even begin to stand it. ]
I lost. Got it wrong. The Colt- it didn't work. Didn't do anything.
[ There it is, something so aching he wants to shout it as much as he doesn't want to say even a single piece. But what's by far more important is how he ruined everything, how it ruined Cas in tandem. He didn't just lose the war, he's convinced he lost Cas in equal measure. He couldn't save either of them, couldn't even make a moment of it worthwhile and it's all his fault. A sacrifice gone to waste, his failure, their deaths. It's all right there, and so he does the only thing he can. ]
I'm sorry.
[ It's not nearly enough and he knows it. It'll never be enough, this isn't the kind of thing he can make up for and he realizes that. He turned their lives into a waste, he broke the world, and he cannot bring it back. He can't save Cas and he can't do a single thing to make his efforts mean what they were meant to. He'd hoped so powerfully and he'd fallen so hard and it all remains utterly useless - he's always been nothing and he always will be, but god, he never meant to sacrifice the life of a man, an angel he always found so important. Especially when he was only ever meant to save the world and couldn't manage to save Cas. ]
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Date: 3 May 2016 11:30 (UTC)I fucked it up. [ It's spoken gruffly, the rough notes of a voice torn in two, and Dean can feel himself cracking. Eyes starting to burn behind the heels of his palms, his gives his head a dismal shake, so apologetic he can't even begin to stand it. ]
I lost. Got it wrong. The Colt- it didn't work. Didn't do anything.
[ There it is, something so aching he wants to shout it as much as he doesn't want to say even a single piece. But what's by far more important is how he ruined everything, how it ruined Cas in tandem. He didn't just lose the war, he's convinced he lost Cas in equal measure. He couldn't save either of them, couldn't even make a moment of it worthwhile and it's all his fault. A sacrifice gone to waste, his failure, their deaths. It's all right there, and so he does the only thing he can. ]
I'm sorry.
[ It's not nearly enough and he knows it. It'll never be enough, this isn't the kind of thing he can make up for and he realizes that. He turned their lives into a waste, he broke the world, and he cannot bring it back. He can't save Cas and he can't do a single thing to make his efforts mean what they were meant to. He'd hoped so powerfully and he'd fallen so hard and it all remains utterly useless - he's always been nothing and he always will be, but god, he never meant to sacrifice the life of a man, an angel he always found so important. Especially when he was only ever meant to save the world and couldn't manage to save Cas. ]