[ cas has known dean long enough to know how he's going to react to this, how he's going to feel and guilt and apologies - that's not what cas is looking for, even if that's what dean feels he should give.
it's not that he doesn't appreciate it. he does, and deeply, if only because he knows how terribly difficult it is for dean to apologize for anything, to bring himself to talk about this at all, but the last thing cas wants is for dean to be sorry. what happened.. it's not just on him. it's on cas, too. it's on god and heaven for ever placing them in a situation to begin with, for creating a world full of horror and punishing them for standing up for themselves, and what they believe in.
cas blames himself, too. he always will. the guilt eats him up inside, for failing dean, for failing the world, the entire human race, but he's angry, too, angry and bitter disenchanted with heaven and angels and the god he'd called father. dean? dean just did the best he could with the absolutely shitty hand he was dealt. he tried. ]
It's all right, Dean.
[ he says, softly, genuinely. he knows full well that fancy words won't help, that he could talk until he's blue in the face but dean will still believe whatever he chooses to believe. still, cas can't have him thinking that he blames him at all. ]
We did our damned best. Things were shit. I just, you know.. needed to know.
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it's not that he doesn't appreciate it. he does, and deeply, if only because he knows how terribly difficult it is for dean to apologize for anything, to bring himself to talk about this at all, but the last thing cas wants is for dean to be sorry. what happened.. it's not just on him. it's on cas, too. it's on god and heaven for ever placing them in a situation to begin with, for creating a world full of horror and punishing them for standing up for themselves, and what they believe in.
cas blames himself, too. he always will. the guilt eats him up inside, for failing dean, for failing the world, the entire human race, but he's angry, too, angry and bitter disenchanted with heaven and angels and the god he'd called father. dean? dean just did the best he could with the absolutely shitty hand he was dealt. he tried. ]
It's all right, Dean.
[ he says, softly, genuinely. he knows full well that fancy words won't help, that he could talk until he's blue in the face but dean will still believe whatever he chooses to believe. still, cas can't have him thinking that he blames him at all. ]
We did our damned best. Things were shit. I just, you know.. needed to know.