[ Dean is sure that he can, and will, beat himself up for it for it forever. He's positive that given the opportunity he will find his own failure within the actions for as long as he's able to think his way through them and he'll find himself to blame for all the things he couldn't do.
It's simply the way he's wired and has been for too long to count, willing to plop the world onto his shoulders just so he can try to carry the weight for everyone else. He wants nothing more than to be the man that knows how to save everyone else and yet he still doesn't know how to be man that fucks it all up, the one that gets it all wrong at the expense of that same exact world. He doesn't know how to see himself without seeing what he's done wrong and he doesn't know how to deal with a choice that led everyone astray. ]
It wasn't supposed to go this way.
[ Dean's not even entirely sure what he means by that, if he's talking about this damned place or the Colt, or everything. The apocalypse as a whole. Things were supposed to get better, things were supposed to work, but all they've done is get worse for too long now for Dean to be able to think his way through it.
But he doesn't know what the other option would be. He knows that he's tried to change things, tried to call down Michael, tried to hand himself over, and he's not sure that would've been any better. Throw him back in time and he'd do it all over again because he's... he is what he is. He's everything that he is. ]
I know you're gonna say that we're getting a second chance here, but when I look at you- [ Dean's gaze turned, looking over Cas; worried, desperate] I can't lose you for nothing.
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It's simply the way he's wired and has been for too long to count, willing to plop the world onto his shoulders just so he can try to carry the weight for everyone else. He wants nothing more than to be the man that knows how to save everyone else and yet he still doesn't know how to be man that fucks it all up, the one that gets it all wrong at the expense of that same exact world. He doesn't know how to see himself without seeing what he's done wrong and he doesn't know how to deal with a choice that led everyone astray. ]
It wasn't supposed to go this way.
[ Dean's not even entirely sure what he means by that, if he's talking about this damned place or the Colt, or everything. The apocalypse as a whole. Things were supposed to get better, things were supposed to work, but all they've done is get worse for too long now for Dean to be able to think his way through it.
But he doesn't know what the other option would be. He knows that he's tried to change things, tried to call down Michael, tried to hand himself over, and he's not sure that would've been any better. Throw him back in time and he'd do it all over again because he's... he is what he is. He's everything that he is. ]
I know you're gonna say that we're getting a second chance here, but when I look at you- [ Dean's gaze turned, looking over Cas; worried, desperate] I can't lose you for nothing.