It's a fact that Dean wants to throw down so badly it hurts, as if he hasn't said it already, as if Cas somehow doesn't know. But he knows he does, that saying it again won't suddenly make it have the right kind of weight, the kind of meaning he needs to give it that will suddenly break him free from the torment of his failure. Because Dean? Dean is a sore loser, and someone who still can't see past his failures to the other side.
It doesn't help matters that his choice was the one that shoved Cas into his own death, and Dean can do nothing but sit in that. Can do nothing but stare at Cas like he might vanish on the spot, a perfect image of the damage he caused.
Even if Cas is here, even if he thinks he isn't going anywhere, Dean is sure he knows different. Because what could happen once could happen again and all Dean can think is he's not damn well letting it. He's not letting his own mistakes destroy what they have, and he's not losing Cas to a failed mission. He won't, he can't, there's no way.
Jaw set stubbornly, Dean just stares back, trying to find words he can offer, trying to find something beyond the meaning set behind his eyes. ]
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It's a fact that Dean wants to throw down so badly it hurts, as if he hasn't said it already, as if Cas somehow doesn't know. But he knows he does, that saying it again won't suddenly make it have the right kind of weight, the kind of meaning he needs to give it that will suddenly break him free from the torment of his failure. Because Dean? Dean is a sore loser, and someone who still can't see past his failures to the other side.
It doesn't help matters that his choice was the one that shoved Cas into his own death, and Dean can do nothing but sit in that. Can do nothing but stare at Cas like he might vanish on the spot, a perfect image of the damage he caused.
Even if Cas is here, even if he thinks he isn't going anywhere, Dean is sure he knows different. Because what could happen once could happen again and all Dean can think is he's not damn well letting it. He's not letting his own mistakes destroy what they have, and he's not losing Cas to a failed mission. He won't, he can't, there's no way.
Jaw set stubbornly, Dean just stares back, trying to find words he can offer, trying to find something beyond the meaning set behind his eyes. ]
I couldn't have done it without you.