[ It's true, Dean isn't completely frozen solid, though at times he'd much prefer if everyone thought he was simply for his own benefit. It makes it easier on him to believe it just as much, to convince himself he's the big man on campus that doesn't have to feel. It's simpler that way, everything hurts less, and he wouldn't have to be sitting here steeping in a mess of his own emotions.
And yet here he is, doing just that. A thing he used to do by far more often.
But sometimes, Dean forgets just what a comfort Cas is. What a comfort he's always been, and has only grown to become even more so. Dean gets a little too dead behind the eyes some days, convinces himself a little too well that he doesn't need to feel and always ends up in the wrong place because of it. He can't help but curse himself for it now, hear the heaviness in Cas' breath and tell himself that he did this. He built these walls and he buried himself within them.
Which is why he feels the impetus just that much more loudly to do something about it, lifting a careful palm to Cas' shoulder, touch smoothing sideways. It's meant to be something of an apology, all the things Dean hasn't said yet, the things he probably missed, fucked up, and everything in between. ]
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And yet here he is, doing just that. A thing he used to do by far more often.
But sometimes, Dean forgets just what a comfort Cas is. What a comfort he's always been, and has only grown to become even more so. Dean gets a little too dead behind the eyes some days, convinces himself a little too well that he doesn't need to feel and always ends up in the wrong place because of it. He can't help but curse himself for it now, hear the heaviness in Cas' breath and tell himself that he did this. He built these walls and he buried himself within them.
Which is why he feels the impetus just that much more loudly to do something about it, lifting a careful palm to Cas' shoulder, touch smoothing sideways. It's meant to be something of an apology, all the things Dean hasn't said yet, the things he probably missed, fucked up, and everything in between. ]
Haven't had the chance to try it out.