Could have, but didn't. Come on, Sam, am I supposed to be angry with you for it? Hold it against you? You couldn't help it.
[ that is flattened his heart like a locomotive is really neither here nor there. whatever's happening in his future, with cas there.. it's certainly not sam's fault. if common sense can be observed here, it's clear enough that sam saw lucifer in him, which can only mean one thing.
he said yes. for some damned, unknowable reason, he said yes. there's no damn winning in any timeline, is there? ]
[Sam bowed his head slightly, quieted by the words.
Part of him kind of expects it. For Cas to hold it against him. It wouldn't be the first time he fucked up and someone held it against him. It's not like he didn't have it coming... but it's still something he expects to scald, like hot water on skin.]
I wouldn't... blame you if you did, honestly.
You know, um. It wasn't you, though. Different paths, right? Like you said before.
[ because for all sam might feel guilty, blaming him for a snap reaction like that - it's just not right. in the end, it had all worked out, no one's dead, the ship is fine, it's all good.
cas frowns, though. ]
Yeah. I know that.
[ but man, taking his own advice is much harder than giving it. ]
[Sam seems to catch it pretty quickly, what Cas is thinking.
Because here's the thing: even if he doesn't know this Cas as much as he knows the other, it doesn't mean they're complete opposites. This is still the angel that visited them all those years ago. There are... huge, gaping differences. But it's still Cas. And Sam reads it.]
[ there's a lot more of the cas that sam knows kicking around than one might think. the shell has changed, but the core is still the same, all that cold logic, all that self-sacrificing desire and fierce loyalty and love of freedom is all still there. this zebra changed its stripes, but it's still a zebra.
so he's not surprised when sam calls him out on it, annoying as it is. ]
I'm all right, Sam. [ he says, gently. ] But I'd definitely feel better if I knew you weren't choking on your own guilt for it.
[ what? it's not drinking. and come on sam, it's harmless. ]
Really though, it's just - let's worry about what we've got goin' on here, all right? What's going on back home for you.. it's nothing. Let it slide for now, keep your eyes ahead, you know?
[He's quiet for a moment. It's nothing? Oh, Cas, it's something alright. He feels the weight of it every time he's alone with his thoughts. But this... there's nothing he can do about it right now. It's true. And unless he can find more spellwork or ritual pieces or -- anything at all, that's just the way it is.]
... Easier said than done.
But I'll work on it.
[... He huffs through his nose, smiling slightly.]
Never actually smoked weed. That'd be Dean's experience.
[ well yes, i mean, it's definitely something and very much a big deal but yeah, there's not too much to be done about it here. some research might be useful and all, but cas has to keep his head in the fleet right now. it's his only real, good distraction. ]
Good. Don't let me down, Sam.
[ he's teasing, but it's gentle, and he cracks again. ]
[His smiles a bit sad at that. Don't let him down?
... But he's so utterly good at that, Cas.
On the bright side, he cracks a more amused smile soon after.]
Friends in college tried to get me into it, but I was too busy studying and worrying about breaking the law. While I was working towards, you know. Law school.
From what I gather, it's not really a concern out here. They sell all kinds of crazy shit in some of these vending machines, so uh, I don't think the Space Police are going to give us a hard time.
[ he's grinning, though. ]
And yeah you'd be surprised. Different dimension or not, people like their fun, I suppose.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ that is flattened his heart like a locomotive is really neither here nor there. whatever's happening in his future, with cas there.. it's certainly not sam's fault. if common sense can be observed here, it's clear enough that sam saw lucifer in him, which can only mean one thing.
he said yes. for some damned, unknowable reason, he said yes. there's no damn winning in any timeline, is there? ]
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Part of him kind of expects it. For Cas to hold it against him. It wouldn't be the first time he fucked up and someone held it against him. It's not like he didn't have it coming... but it's still something he expects to scald, like hot water on skin.]
I wouldn't... blame you if you did, honestly.
You know, um. It wasn't you, though. Different paths, right? Like you said before.
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[ because for all sam might feel guilty, blaming him for a snap reaction like that - it's just not right. in the end, it had all worked out, no one's dead, the ship is fine, it's all good.
cas frowns, though. ]
Yeah. I know that.
[ but man, taking his own advice is much harder than giving it. ]
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Because here's the thing: even if he doesn't know this Cas as much as he knows the other, it doesn't mean they're complete opposites. This is still the angel that visited them all those years ago. There are... huge, gaping differences. But it's still Cas. And Sam reads it.]
You sure you know that?
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so he's not surprised when sam calls him out on it, annoying as it is. ]
I'm all right, Sam. [ he says, gently. ] But I'd definitely feel better if I knew you weren't choking on your own guilt for it.
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Just a smidge.]
Any recommendations for stopping that?
... Other than drinking.
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[ what? it's not drinking. and come on sam, it's harmless. ]
Really though, it's just - let's worry about what we've got goin' on here, all right? What's going on back home for you.. it's nothing. Let it slide for now, keep your eyes ahead, you know?
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... Easier said than done.
But I'll work on it.
[... He huffs through his nose, smiling slightly.]
Never actually smoked weed. That'd be Dean's experience.
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Good. Don't let me down, Sam.
[ he's teasing, but it's gentle, and he cracks again. ]
But seriously? Never? Never-ever?
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... But he's so utterly good at that, Cas.
On the bright side, he cracks a more amused smile soon after.]
Friends in college tried to get me into it, but I was too busy studying and worrying about breaking the law. While I was working towards, you know. Law school.
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and oh, sam, you really think law officials don't smoke weed? what a goody two-shoes. errybody like ta smoke a doobie sometimes, sammy. ]
Well that's cute. You should try it sometime. Better than booze, and no hangover.
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Considering what I've already gotten into with the law... I guess -- why not?
Is weed even a common commodity in outer space?
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[ he's grinning, though. ]
And yeah you'd be surprised. Different dimension or not, people like their fun, I suppose.
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Aren't we technically on international waters out here?
How the hell can you decide what laws apply where?
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[ S H R U G ]
So, no rules!
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Considering I'm such a law-biding citizen.
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[ an easy grin. ]
I'll roll one up for us sometime then. It's a promise.